Getting your response right during and after behaviour flashpoints can make or break a child’s learning readiness.
Here are six useful principles to use when you encounter a behaviour flashpoint:
- Focus on the underlying emotions. Behaviour is a child’s way of communicating an unmet need, so make a conscious decision to work on identifying the emotions that have caused behaviour incidents, rather than the behaviour itself. Think back on past scenarios, how you responded then and how you might approach it differently now. Focusing on the underlying emotions – the fuel for the fire rather than the flames and smoke that you see in the behaviour – will ultimately help you to help the child build the strong foundations of emotional wellbeing that they need to reach their potential.
- Take a moment. Being mindful of your response to behaviour incidents will help you to ‘co-regulate’ or work with the child. That means steadying yourself before you can understand what is happening for the child when there is a behaviour flashpoint. Stepping back and taking a brief moment of time – for example, being aware of your breathing – allows you to be self-aware and make a conscious, deliberate response.
- Tune in. We can all be present physically, but sometimes our minds are somewhere else, so once we have self-regulated, we then need to mentally tune into the situation. The child may be feeling angry, disgusted or frustrated, but whatever their emotion, we need to focus on the feelings that are driving the behaviour and make sure that the child knows we value them.
- Be careful with your language. We can do this by saying things like, ‘wow, I’m wondering if you’re really angry,’ in order to establish why they have reacted in the way they have, being careful not to say that you know that they are angry. The language you use is important because it provides the space for the child to do some thinking with you. As an adult, it can be frustrating when somebody tells you that they know how you feel. Well, children feel the same but don’t necessarily have the social niceties to articulate those frustrations.
- Make routines matter. Predictability and routine are key to preventing behaviour issues. When children can anticipate what’s coming, they feel safer and more settled. Tools such as visual timetables on classroom walls help them orient themselves and create that sense of stability.
- Realise that sometimes, words are not enough. Creativity and play can give children the means to express their emotions far more articulately than through words. Children who present distress behaviours often find it difficult to explain in words what has happened and why they feel the way they do. Asking children to describe a situation in words relies on a very complicated process of cognitive executive functioning. We are used to that as adults because we can draw on a large vocabulary. The pathways to those words are less secure for children. Puppet, sandbox or construction play, or art and craft sessions, can help a child express those feelings more clearly. To some eyes, this can look like rewarding children who have not learned to be steady in the classroom. However, it’s actually the opposite because it can help to swiftly settle behaviour and allow these children to be learning ready, faster.
Viv Trask-Hall is Head of Product and Innovation at Thrive.